First Little Step

You are actually strong enough to stand on your own for a few seconds without support, but still prefer to crawl around. Last night I let go of my hands when you are in standing position, you managed to stand alone for at least 5 seconds. I saw your satisfied smile before sitting back down on your own. Do you know what you have achieved?

Later you were standing next to the cupboard with support, then you released your grip and took a little step and walked towards me.

Even it was a little step, it is exciting enough for me.

A Little Kiss

I was holding you after lunch, and you suddenly lean your face towards mine. At first I was wondering I have got nothing edible on my face… Then a relative yelled, "He is giving you a kiss!!". Yes, gently, lightly a little kiss on my cheek. ^o^

Pointing

Our communication becomes two-way lately after you have mastered the skill of pointing things you want / the answers of our questions.

You have successfully showned us you understand the location of Mcdull and where about of the monkey in the book.

I was eating lunch and Papa was drinking 鈣思寳, you were sitting in your high chair and us on dining table. You used your left hand to point at the drink to request a sip, after Papa took no action, you immediately pointed my lunch box using your right hand. :D

Standing Up

As part of the usual routine, you were in your crib playing on your own while we rest a bit before bathing you. You stood up using the crib as support, leaned yourself against the crib and smiling at us. Suddenly you were waving both of your hands in the air in a standing position without any support!! You seemed to know what you have achieved and laughing loudly!! Hahahaha!!!

This is the first time we saw you release any grip to stand up on your own! Can't wait to witness your first step!

Wall Licking

You have inherited my love-for-food genes, as you take huge interests in everything that is edible or non-edible.

Last night when grandma was holding you and eating a chocolate muffin, you licked your lips and swallowed saliva and locked your eyes on the muffin. While after a few seconds you saw grandma is not sending the muffin into your mouth, you leaned forward trying to eat by yourself! Finally you successfully get a tiny crumb into your mouth, you seemed to enjoy the new taste sensation of a chocolate muffin. ^O^

Back home, you were in your crib waiting to be bathed. You got bored and started to lick the wall... I discovered and called your name loudly hoping you will turn around. You then responded calmly and loudly with a "Hm?", as if you are asking me back "What's the matter? Can't you see I am Wall Licking?!".

Looking for McDull~

A 10 month 10 days old, you are capable of understanding a handful of words like 爸爸，媽媽，星星餅，屎屎,沖涼，鴨仔，熄燈，Kangaroo, 扁嘴，拍手，Hello~~~~ and of course your name Ah Gee and 朗言。

The newly learnt word is 苹果 and McDull!!

Last night we tried to put a little apple on the floor and cover it with a plastic cup. We purposely put other empty plastic cups on the floor trying to confuse you. But you are able to lock your eyes on the cup with the apple underneath, lift the correct cup and find the apple!

Then you were facing the sofa with the McDull cushion, and I asked you where is McDull, trying to point you towards the cushion. But you turned and look around the room... from left to right...searching... and stopped your eyes on the McDull decoration on the main door!!!

So happy to see you progress day by day. :) 

Cheerful Kid

When you saw us entered the house tonight, you raised right arm in the air and yelled "Oa~~~". Everyone in the room was burst into laughters. ^-^

Growing Up

In the last two weeks, you have managed to learn how to drink from a straw, pull your self up to standing and sit back down gracefully.

These do not seem newly-learnt techniques to you, you just act like you are refining these skills to perfection.

Baba Baba~

You finally managed to babble the first meaningful sound and it is Babababa!!! Whilst you do not know the meaning but you clearly enjoy the sound of it, so you kept babababa all the time.

Baba obviously is the happiest soul and we decided to crack open a bottle of red wine on a Monday evening for celebration!!

Time to set off for mama training!

Ar Ba!

We were lying in bed lazily after feeding you on a sunny Sunday morning. You were sitting between us and started to get bored. Papa closed his eyes and were about to doze off.  You sat face to him and suddenly said, "Oi~~~ Ar Ba!!!". Papa opened his eyes and beaming excitedly! He jumped up immediately and gave a huge hug!!!!

Whilst not sure whether you know the meaning of "Ar Ba!", but definitely you know how to seek attention!~

At 7 Month

After being a mother for 7 months, everything starts to sink in now...
 
Now will miss the belly bump body shape and the thrill of waiting to see the ultrasound in the clinic;
 
Now will appreciate the slow motion in everything during pregnancy and the convenience of movie / dinner / gathering any time you want;
 
However, the joy and contentment that you have brought us outweight the sleeplessness, the tiredness and every single inconvenience. You turned us into alert sleepers, we can hear a slight sneeze during sleep and be wide awake when you make a little sound. You trained us to have good patience, we learnt not to be angry and frustrated when you cried and screamed, instead to be more loving to calm you down.
 
We have transcended to a different world, a world that only parents could understand.
 
We hope you healthy, we hope you well, we hope you can allow us to cuddle you when you older. We also hope one day you can have your own children, so you can understand the happiness that you have brought us.
 
Love you, mum.

Flip Flip Flip

Major milestone today: Flip over!!

One Month

Weight: 4.62kg

Just a small ARR for the first injection, brave boy!!!

First Feeding Experience

Tried both breast and bottle feeding, it definitely requires great skills and patience.

Can feel a long road ahead already, hope he is more cooperative and am learning fast enough.

It is an enjoyable process though. ^o^

Happy Birthday

Is it you or just coincidence that my iPhone broke down and almost lost ALL the previous photos for the past 3 years... Luckily finally can retrieve majority of them.

Finally had a lovely dinner with good view, to celebrate your coming tomorrow. About to take a nice shower afterwards, but then found out the water supply of the building was down when I was literally about to rub the shampoo on my hair!!! Again luckily hair was just wet and the shampoo was still on my hand.

So... I shall see all these as my luck.

Now nothing is more important than your birthday!!

See you tomorrow.

Mum

Fliping a Breech Baby

Check up on Monday shows he is still in Breech position, i.e. head up and bottom down. Doctor recommended us to book the operating room for C section first in the week of 10 Dec (~38 wk), and in case he flip right before the operation, we can always cancel and wait for a natural delivery.

Worried about the cutting and sewing skills of my Doctor, we checked online for various ways to flip a breech baby.

Tried to put three pillows under my butt and remain in this breech tilt for 15 minutes. Yesterday, I put an ice pad on where his head is supposed to be. People says this will make him move away from the cold and helps flipping.

Funny enough, when I was in tilted position, the kicks become more severe under the belly. As if he is protesting that he is faaaaallllliiiinnnggg~~~~~

Bed is Ready

Finally moved the closet to another room and get your bed ready. Having the bed in the room makes me wonder how will it be with you lying on it, crying, wetting your diapers, drinking milk and sucking fingers... ^O^

Will See You Soon

Now can understand the dilemma of most expectant mums. One hand, it is getting excited as the due date is coming and finally can see you in person. On the other, will miss the magical moments of your kicks and hicupps inside the tummy; will miss the time we were "absolutely together"; will miss my baby bump...

Really enjoyed being pregnant!!

I See Love Today

It is hard for others to imagine, a spoiled child who only eats fruits which are peeled and chopped is running around looking for air con cleanser and disintegrated the air con for vacuuming and cleaning... so that no one ever has to sleep on the sofa again.

I See Love Today.

Sleeping on the Sofa

Last night, since papa insisted the weather is cool enough not to switch on air conditioning and there was strange smells coming out from the machine... we switched it off... and he had a sweet sleep but we were sweating wet.

So it's the first time that someone has to sleep on the sofa, and that was us!!! But it feels so much better with the air con in the living room.

3002

Waistline: 96cm (~37.8inch)
Weight: 63.5kg (~140lbs)
 
* Just found out there is +/- 2cm discrepancy in measureing waistline previously due to mis reading of the measurement tape.... -_-"
 
Weight gain is on track about 1 pound each week and we are going to see you again next Monday!

Clothes Arrival!!!!

Papa's Prompt Help

Alarm clock rang and pressed snooze as usual. Took a stretch and leg cramp again!! I yelled 抽筋呀！ Then papa jumped up in 0.5 second and helped to relieve the cramp.

The speed of his reaction make the whole thing quite sweet and hilarious.

75 days to Baby

A colleague just reminded me that I will have to go on maternity leave in about two months time. Supposedly, the official due date is 75 days from now... 

Bearing a child is indeed one of the most interesting experiences. Your body will take care most of the magical works and turn your tummy into a comfortable living environment, providing nutrients, oxygen, waste management, etc.

It is fun to see your belly grows day by day, and how your body reacts to the extra pounds that you put on. Our bodies are actually quite adaptable.

Used to get paranoid and anxious in the first few months, longing the Doctor's visit so you can see his heart pumping healthily and turning around. These worries go away once you can feel his moves. Your heart settles down, being more calm and anticipate where will he kick in the next move. 

Buying tiny clothes and making little garments for him is a quite peaceful process. Hope to enjoy rest of the pregnancy before it is changed to constant feeding and diaper changing.

C Egg

I think we both had a good laugh after watching Wong Zi Wah's stand up comedy show, coz I felt your kicks are much stronger and non-stop during the show.

When I am about to sleep, I felt your rhythmic movements under the belly. It was not like the random usual kicks, but came in one beat after another. There's a good reason to believe that you are having your c egg!! This also mean that your head is moving down now~

So Satisfied!

Might be a bit small even for newborn, but it's my first crochet vest. Today you are extra active, so I hope this is your approval of my work. :)

I Love This Shoe!!

Successful for the first go! Imagining how cute will it be when it is on your feet.

Mooncake Festival For THREE

^_^

Belly Button

Always proud to have some depth for my belly button, but in order to make way for the grow of BB... it is coming out!!!!

Good side is you can clean the thousand year dirt more easily, but it just does not look good, specially the shape of the belly button is being distorted by stretching and expansion of the tummy.

Well, it is not flat yet... hopefully it stops here.

2703

Waistline: 90cm (~35.4inch)

Weight: 62.2kg (~137lbs)

House is filled with Chocolate Scent

Smells happiness.

My Christmas Present

My Christmas Present's kicks are getting serious, I can see the belly jumping today. Too bad the stomach gas is coming back again, and probably is because the Present is growing bigger and pushed away my stomach which cause slower digestion rate.

Tonight will get some X'mas presents for my Christmas Present!!

95 Days to Baby

Suddenly want X'mas to come faster, not because of the baby, but missed the atmosphere of X'mas. Cold wind, lighting decorations, smell of the X'mas trees, gift buying and everyone is in good mood.

Of course the baby arrival will make this year's X'mas a very special one.

Maybe it's time to think of what X'mas gifts to give away... ...

Swim

We had our first swim together today! I could hardly fit into my old swim suit... it makes me look like those Leng Mo who intentionally wear one / two sizes down, so can have the enhanced cleavage. O_o

I do like my new image with enhanced breast and non-hide-able tummy.

Does not look sexy, but content.

Kick in the Face

Work up from afternoon nap, papa asked if you are still sleeping, I said probably yes. Then he rolled me back and forth trying to wake you up.

Funny enough I can really feel your kicks after the rolling!! Then I asked him to feel you, he then put his left ear on my stomach trying to hear your movement.

Suddenly you gave him a strong kick which is enough to send him jumping. Haha~ He deserved it for interrupting your sleep.

This is very trivial and yet so sweet. :)

Leg Cramps AGAIN

Leg cramps early in the morning, worst still, woke up with a hungry stomach.

2301

Waistline: 88cm (~34.6 inch)
Weight: 59.4kg (~131 lbs)

First Time in MTR

Took MTR during rush hour from Admiralty to TST. Luckily, just waited for two cars and can get in. Trying to stay as close as to the door, so can get off quickly at the next stop.
Stood right next to the first seat and hoping to leave asap. A 3x old man sitting at the first seat poked my arm after looking at me for two seconds and offered me his seat. I politely declined and told him I am getting off at the next station.

He looked a bit embarrased, and then abruptly stood up and said, 咁都坐一陣啦！

Accepted the seat full of gratitude. Though it is only one station, a period less than 4 minutes, the little gesture is very much appreciated!!!

When leaving, I poked him and said Thank you!! He then replied, 應該既！

My heart is filled with warmth and sincerely hope that young man can also felt my gratitude.

Leg Cramps

First leg cramp at middle of the night... slept on left side, and right leg cramped!!!!!

We Felt You

I had been feeling some suspicious movements of yours over the last week. Sometimes a tickle here and a small pain there, but was never sure.

This morning at around 1am, your papa puts his palm on my tummy trying to feel your kicks before going to bed. You must have performed a severe kick. The air was frozen for two second, we looked at each other, and we know it is you who made that little jump on my tummy.

Keep going!!

10 Years Ago

This day 10 years ago, I was embarked on one of the adventurous journey that opened my eyes & mind to the greater world. Soooo soooo glad that I did it!!

Being Loved

It was another usual day going back to mum's home and collect dinner ingredients. This time mum and dad were not there to greet me with loud welcome, they had dinner gathering.

House was dark and quiet; opened the fridge and took out the washed, chopped and assorted ingredients... all I felt is love.

Almost Half Way Through

Welcoming a new life to the family is both exciting and pressurizing. Thoguhts like is the current place big enough? Is there room to fit the extra furniture and diaper stocks? Does he have enough space to move around?

Now I am in the so-called Pregnancy Honeymoon. I can eat well, sleep well, nasty symtoms are yet to appear and the belly is not too huge to obstruct your movements.

Planning is required but guessed now should be more focused in enjoying the majestic life of a pregnant woman and preparing some handmade toys for my little man. ^0^

1801

Am so looking forward to your kicking and movement.

Not Easy

So true that only when you have become a parent, you will appreciate the hardship and love of your own parents.

1506

First belly picture taken.

Moved!!

Had been a worried bag for almost a week, especially when uncomfortable symtops are fading away... but when I see your heart beating happily, saw the legs and hands in the air. Everything is fine.

Then you suddenly gave me a surprised move!! So energetic, so cute. Probably it is your way of saying "hiyee"~ Hello my dear, I will see you soon.

Mothers' Day

It's a special day to celebrate and remember!! :) 

BINGO

An interesting day started with lousy breakfast at small Cha Chan Tang; shopping at Mannings; got an interesting reading and then house cleaning; shopping at another Mannings; and got an even more fantastic reading!!! :)

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

 

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

虛情，假意；厚顏，無恥！

Written in Bali, Indonesia.

“襟撈“乃成功之母...

如題

Real or Not Real??

Will find out soon...

Glasses Free

After tomorrow 12:30pm, I will be glasses free!! Not as worrysome as molar extraction, am actually looking forward to it! Byebye glasses!!

-O_O-

Change

Something has changed recently. Suddenly cannot withstand the sight of unwashed dishes; cannot bear the dusty floor and started to enjoy the routine Sunday cleaning. It is funny to see these changes, especially on myself.

Home

Years of yawning & dreaming, I finally can have a bathroom which can provide endless hot water; can have a room of my own; can read without interruption of mum's cursing; can have enough space to practice yoga... everything is perfect.

Yet when I returned and sleep in my messy room on the hard bed; with sound of traffic light clicking downstairs & sound of brother's video games... I feel more comfortable here. Suddenly steaming hot shower becomes unimportant, yoga poses can be replaced by stretching exercise... suddenly, I missed home.

Work

Seems that the more you are hated & feared at work, the more successful you are.

I am deemed to be unsuccessful at work then.

Change

Away from the Company for 2 years, people are still disgruntled about long working hours and unreasonable clients; departments are still rivaled for power and resources. Many faces have left, and those remained are nothing, but angry, moody & dull.

It proved I made the right choice by going to working holiday 2 years ago, because if I continued to work at my last post, I would be deprived of the lasting happinesses & wonderful experiences encountered in Australia.

Seems that change can mean something exciting & fun. Hopefully this applies to my lastest change as well. :)

The Only Reason...

I am older than they are; I am quieter than they are; the only reaosn for you to choose to sitting beside me is that you love me.

Correct me if I am wrong.

P.S. can't believe I am putting entry here again

Nah..

As far as I recalled, this is the second time I intentionally did not pick up your call for the past 7 years. I would say this number is rather impressive. If you forgot, the first time I kept ignoring your SMS & phone calls was when I was in Beijing business trip 4 years ago.

Am I being too demanding?! Go to hell if you think so.

Happy News

This is indeed the happiest news I've heard ever since I came back from Australia!!! Shocking and yet sooo happy for you!! ^O^ Finally one of us got married!!!!

My Aunt

Ten years ago, you told me peacefully you were divorsed not long after you arrived Canada, while eating congee; two days ago, you told me slowly that you had half your lungs removed because of lung cancer during shopping. You even detailed the process of how the disease was discovered, so rationally & quietly, as if you were telling other people's story.

I cannot find any trace of these awful things ever happened on you, your broad smile and your funny jokes. Only wonderful experiences can be linked to you.

Unpredictable is a suitable adjective for life. Planning is needed, but living the moment is more important. So just do it.

Don't Fail My Trust In You

After that nightmare and tonight's conversation on unfaithfulness, I have nothing more to say except this: Don't Fail My Trust In You.

Difference

I had this new idea of a bold move, yet I received two totally different reactions from two different parties. One is supportive and encouraging, while the other one is extremely reserved on the idea to the extent of discouragement.

In the face of two opposite thinking directions, I am not confused, because I know what I want, the question is how to execute the process. I am only sad that the supportive comments were not come from my own family. The saddness was further deepened by the apparent lack of confidence in my ability and commitment to take care of them.

We have to learn to be positive, only when there is hope to succeed, you will have the energy and creativity to make it happens. I am (we are) the pioneer of dream maker(s).

Welcome Home

Welcome Home! Home is made of tasty food, comfy bed, noisy friends, crowded streets, nagging mum, messy room, loveable & hate-able brother, polluted air, depressed citizens, glamourous shopping malls and a pressurized atmosphere.

After two months since coming back, I had lived off the reminant joy of the working holiday. Now what comes after me is the pressure to get a good job, and to get used to living with family again...

A New Blog for A New Time

If you are so kind and still reading this dusty blog, please visit the following blog from this day until I am back to Hong Kong. Love you!

http://tingzi-at-aus.blogspot.com/

Appreciation

I thank you for your tolerance of my bad temper.
I am grateful of your love and care, though these are often expressed in an unspoken manner.
I am thankful for your courage and determination to realize this adventure. I will not have done it without you.
I appreciate every single gesture in this relationship, regardless of its significance.
I must say I am so very blessed and fortunate to have met you.

Thank you.

No Regret

People generally are shocked by my decision to quit my job and to forego one-year income to "experience" life, and yet exclaimation of envy is expressed (some are genuine appreciations and some are out of politeness). Different people has different expectations of my trip: obtain a permanent residency; start a business; working a job with triple the current salary; travel around; try something extraordinary...

Being a Number 9 person, naturally I would want to fulfill wishes of other people, and feel disappointed if expectations of others are not being fulfilled. So upto this moment, three days before the trip, I am still confused of what my OWN expectation should be.

What I will be doing is definitely not something conventional in our culture, and that is why eyebrows are raised whenever this idea is heard. Doubtful looks and disagreeing comments sometimes shake my confidence. But the scene of myself regretting for giving up this opportunity at later age sends cold sweat down my spine... I would prefer to take in skeptical opinions than to regret.

Guessed I should focus on what I want to add to my life, instead of pleasing others like I always do. To start a new career at the edge of 30 sounds "a bit late" to many people, but "I wished I would have done XXX when I was younger" is often one of the most repeated phrases as people grow older. I do not want this phrase to slip out of my mouth.

Chin up and look ahead, I should only feel blessed. Afterall, family and friends are supportive and I have a travelmate who would face heavier pressure and yet agree to join this adventure. I should have nothing to complain, but be thankful.

Feel so relieved after writing up this entry.

Email Extract

"hey~ i am counting down the days now... and i somehow feel bad abt this... when i saw ppl treat me so good... i feel even worse....

i did not have this kind of feeling in my last exchange... maybe i got a more legitimate reason in going abroad last time, it was with a concrete purpose. but for this time... i just left whatever that is here and get away for some time.. to have fun.... or to so called experience life.... ..."

One Week

Same time next week, I will be on the plane embarking to the boldest and yet most exciting journey.

Memory Box

While I was sorting my messy bedroom/drawers/folders today, I found many interesting stuff:-

• A hand-painted birthday card from my bro when he was 11, and.... I was 19. He was so cute!!!
• A movie ticket of "Life Is Beautiful" and a book fair staff pass
• Platform Speech written in Form 6
• Original 手稿 of 聽愛麗絲的表白 and 醉翁"婷"記!!!!
• A Muji note book containing lovely farewell notes, contact details & post-it messages from people I met during the exchange life in Maastricht
• At least 5 years of organizers

Still remembered on the first day my roomate in Maastricht moved in, she told me that the last drawer is called the "Memory Box". It would store all her memories during the exchange period.

Next time when you throw away something, think again, it might be a nice contribution to your own memory box.

Platform Speech 1998

Found a piece of paper with the following context. Not too bad for a writing from me 10 years ago.

"Good Morning Revernd Sister Margaret, Mrs. Yuen, Mrs. Yu, teachers and my fellow schoolmates.

I'm Gloria Lai of Form 6P. I've never dreamt of standing here and deliver my speech. But why am I here? It's because my schoolmates believed that I have the ability to contribute to the school and to serve you all.

During the five years in St Paul's, I learned how to treasure, treasure everything you have now and you had before, no matter they are good or bad. So being a prefect will be a valuable experience to me. I'm going to enjoy every moment of it, though I know many obstacles are waiting for me. But "No pain, no gain", I'm very confident in turning those obstacles into my own wisdom.

I also became more open minded in all these years. I no longer jealous of my friends' success, but to truely appreciate their talents. Everyone is talented in some areas, it depends whether you can discover it. So don't be sad if your friends are better than you in some ways, for you yourself must be good in other fields. Just be yourself and don't compare.

I know Form six is surely not a honeymoon year. Besides tones of homework and tests, we also need to be the club officers. So if you want to reduce our workload, please lengthen your skirts and socks properly, we prefects will surely appreciate your considerations.

Prefects are not perfect! We're given the opportunity to learn and to work with you. However, all we need are yur cooperation and support.

I wish you all can give us prefects by giving a little smile when you meet us. Our whole campus will then be filled with lovely smiling faces!!

Thank you very much!~"

Treasure

It is difficult to find a person in this world who will allow you to talk, listen to your bullshit and understand your feelings. So when you find one, do treasure.

Last Day @ Marsh

The last day was just as another day, but because that was the "last day", I had to do things that are supposed to be done by people who has the last day.

1. Had a full team lunch
2. Bought cakes to office
3. Wrote goodbye & thank you email
4. Took pictures with colleagues
5. Received "please don't leave" greetings
6. Packed stuff, like 3 warming jackets, 1 suit, 2 glasses, decorations & backseat
7. Happy Hour with a unique combinationa of colleagues

Just another day.

It's About To...

It's about to come to an end, and everything will start again. Whatever the outcome, this is my optimal decision at this particular point of time.

Red Hair

I had my hair highlighted red yesterday. The colour on the top of my head is much redder and shinier than the rest, so it appeared that I am really red-headed.

Kind of worried bad responses from family and colleagues, I have even prepared defense in case they disapprove my new image. However, the responses turned out positive, even from my mum.

P.S. Thank God that I have taken my passport photo the day before the highlight… otherwise the red hair tingzi will be on the passport for the 10 years to come. Hohoo~

Take Charge

After I tendered my resignation to my manager, I felt my life has suddenly been recharged with energy. Because I am taking charge of my life now, not the company, not the clients, just me.

It felt so damn good!

2007 Cebu Trip ( 8 Sep - 10 Sep )

You would wish to have wider eyesight while you are under the sea, so you can take the whole sea world in one look. The excitment of swimming with flock of big fishes and in the world of coral reef is beyond words can explain. You will be amazed and perplexed by wonders of nature.

Definitely the best dive I have ever had.

My Way

I will find my way
I want a different way
Nothing can stop me now
No matter what they say
困難要用我的堅強和努力勇敢面對
現在用心去追
感覺就對
I'll find my way

<<張敬軒 - My Way>>

Harry Potter

The eight-year quest has finally finished. Professor Snape takes the place of George & Fred and becomes my favourite character of the book.

Mango Napoleon Cake

Prefer the Napoleon without the sponge cake, but this one is also nice.

A Day On The Beach

Finally went to the beach and got some sun......burnt. By spending the Saturday afternoon under the cloudless sky, with a sip of Carlsberg, what more you can ask for.

Twenty Minutes

In a small tea shop located in the hallway of a shopping mall, no background music, no coffee aroma, no big sofa. Just two coffee, two chairs, a table and a magazine. For that little twenty minutes, you just sit there comfortably and engaged in casual conversation occasionally. You don't have to fight for words to fill the silence. Everything goes so natural.

How often do you have these twenty minutes?

My Mum

When I was in kindergarten, I would like to have a mum who would allow me to have long hair so I could wear a pony tail to school; who could read me interesting bedtime stories instead of just reading the words straight from the book and who was more patient like my uncle's wife.

For the past twenty years, I have seen her crying, shouting, cursing, fighting, throwing things & breaking down, all these images of hers still haunt me sometimes. But I have also felt her strength in protecting us, love for the family, energy in taking care of everything, determination to sustain the family, power to defend attack & enthusiasm in learning.

I have witnessed her change from a self-pitied person to a cheerful woman. Now I no longer envy other people's elegant mothers, I feel so proud of my mother just as she is.

Growing Old

It is seen as an unspoken concensus that the children will move out when they got married. So you will be living with your partner or alone when they left. By then you will have all the time in the world...
to sleep (but you can't sleep more than 6 hours a day);
to clean (but since you clean it every day, there is not enough dirt for the work);
to read (if lucky enough that your eyesight is still there);
to have fun with friends (only friends are leaving for heaven one by one).

Oh... I was intended to write a cheerful note on "Proper Attitude Towards Growing Old", but I end up writing these dark ideas.

The Thirteenth Tale

People disappear when they die. Their voice, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living memory of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some there is an exception fo this annihilation.

For in the books they write they continue to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humour, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic.

--- The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

A Little Bit...

I am a little bit angry, disappointed, sad, lost, unease... as if I am begging for something I am not deserved for.

I just want to have a fun WHOLE night after a damn week of work, instead of a petty two hours...

Memories

"With memories, good or bad; our lives are too empty." well said by the philosopher that I know.

So it is better to embrace our memories as they are, and to leave our lives with a bit more varieties...

Thoughts Blocked

Seldom have new entries in the last 6 months, stopped writing organizers or diary. Work is the only thing that matters, deadlines, reports, meetings... I am so fed up.

Triple Chocolate Mousse Cake

If anyone happens to be born today --- Happy Birthday!~

My First Sail

Sitting on the deck of a sailing boat; eating plums and throwing the chicken wings into the sea; watching the wakeboard skiers nearby under the cloudless sky. Life should be like this... broad, slow and with fun.

If I have enough money, I would prefer to own a boat / yatch rather than a car.

Before Sunrise

Come Here - Kath Bloom
The awkwardness is always the cutest.

Before Sunset

A Waltz For A Night - Julie Deply
I love this song.

A Real Dream?

In the dream, I was standing on the sidewalk, I saw someone walking towards me, his face & feature were extremely familiar. A surge of warmth filled me and yet fear also came along because I was afraid he would disappear when I blinked. So I tried very hard to keep my eyes open.

He walked pass me very quickly, the worry of him going away took over me. So I ran after him and tried to grab his arm, but at the same time I would expect him to dissolve when I touched him. Finally I reached him and he was till there!!! He then turned around....

Hello there my grandpa!!

This was the second time we met in the blurry space that separate us. It feels so real in the dream and I feel so sad in real life.

My First Chocolate Cookies + Blueburry Muffins

Yum!!!~

Paranoid

Doctor asked me to perform a blood test today. I don't want to be a paranoid, but I am actually afraid... not worried. Thanks for being beside me.

Farewell Dinner

Just had a farewell dinner with one of the colleagues, and during the whole time, I can't stop imagining my own farewell dinner... which theoretically shall come in around six months later.

Everybody was so relaxed tonight, a colleague talked about his divorced life; boss shared his family pressure in being a MD before 35 years old; we distinguished who are the early birds and who are the night cats; we teased the quiet & serious colleague... why things always get so beautiful when it is time to end.

I have decided that when I leave, I will bring to the farewell dinner a bottle of Verve Clicquot, Moet & Chandon and the Bellini Cocktail. Can't wait...

Life-long Partner

When I am contemplating the meaning of a life-long partner, I think of the time we are going to spend ahead. If God permits me, I believe I will be still on earth for the coming 40 years to come. For the future four decades, excitement is not to be guaranteed every day. In fact, regular chores will bring along... boredom.

If one gets tired of a relationship after several years and complaining everything has become habit, you do not have to be sad for losing a person like this. Because this is definitely not the one who is willing to walk with you to the end.

Finally

Finally we can have a peaceful dinner with red wine on this day.
Happy 19th March 2007.

2007 Marsh Annual Dinner

Two words for the night --- GOOD SHOW!!!

Every time after the stage performance, no matter it is debate, drama or MC, I felt great. Thanks to my style consulant, I've got the suitable outfit and a perfect make up. ^-^

I guessed the most rewarding thing is to allow my face & ability being recognized by all of them... before I leave.

P.S. Prize won - Sony Ericsson W850i (it naturally goes to my bro~)